I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
did i just pee glitter
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
