i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's get the cat blown out
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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