somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
