you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
