the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
