everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
