i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
