Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
