Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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