I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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