I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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