oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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