No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
