oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
