Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
