So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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