He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
