So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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