Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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