I cockslap morals
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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