I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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