I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
