Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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