I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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