It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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