I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
