I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We are all done wearing pants today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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