Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
