i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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