So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this boner is exhausting
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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