let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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