hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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