oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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