i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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