High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
