his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
