Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
