But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He shit in the fireplace
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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