he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
