He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
