I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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