Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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