My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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