mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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