I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
