Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
