You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
