it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
