On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
