I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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