She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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