Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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