Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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