I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
