Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
