What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I didn't shave. On purpose
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
