I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
