I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Who died my cat blue again?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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