i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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